What Even is a Good Decision?

The other day, I had this text exchange:

The green is me.

I feel like it pretty much sums up everything in my post-grad life. And it was such a coincidence because on my way back from Italy (come on, how am I not supposed to mention our trip to ITALY?!?!), I wrote an entry about decisions.

At the time I wrote most of this post, I was in a plane, 38,000 feet above the Atlantic Ocean, thinking about all the things I would do when I landed and got home. The list included:

• Snuggling my dog

• Joining a gym (gotta burn off all that pasta somehow)

• Laundry

• Packing up my desk at work

Yep, you read that right. I gave my two-weeks notice just before I left for Italy. Last you heard from me, I had been questioning my gut-decision on taking that job and now I am following my instinct to GTFO ASAP!

On top of quitting my job and accepting another position at a different organization, there have been a TON of other changes I've had to make, regarding my friends, family, finances, my health and other jobs. Not gonna lie, I was and still am kinda freaking out a little because how am I supposed to know if the choices I'm making for all of these things are the right choices?

How am I supposed to know if my decisions are good? What even is a "good" decision?

Who does it have to be good for? What constitutes good? Is the "goodness" of decisions situational? Is good the same thing as right? I have questions. And I've kinda-sorta been spiraling down a rabbit hole thinking about this.

A simple answer is that a good decision is one that like, essentially, gives you the best life or enhances life somehow, right? Like, no one (usually) makes choices that affect them negatively on purpose. But obviously, it's more complicated than that because good isn't always so clean-cut and it's literally impossible to determine every outcome of a choice.

And you all know how *not cool* with uncertainty I am.

The hard truth is, I don't know if the life-choices I'm making right now are good ones. The only way to really know if a decision was "good" or "right" is to just guess and go through with it.

Some decisions I've made lately have made me feel confident, happy, free-spirited, loved, and adventurous. Other decisions have had me feeling all sorts of insecurity, heartbreak, regret, anxiety, unhealthy, and out-of-control. It's been a lot. But I've learned from each.

I've learned to have standards in my relationships. I've learned to be much, much more firm when it comes to negotiating and to be as clear as I can with my intentions. I've learned to not follow people. I've learned to be more independent. I'm not totally tuned in to "listening to my heart" or whatever, but I'm getting there. I may not be the best at handling stress and uncertainty, but I've learned how and who to ask for help when I need it.

I guess the best I can come up with right now is that a good decision is one you can have confidence in. A good decision is also sometimes a bad decision that you grow from and do better because of. A good decision might not have to be a "good" decision, but it should change you for the better, whatever that may end up being.

I know this is not a very helpful entry. I have no advice to give, no real story to tell, no funny or inspiring one-liner I know you were all expecting me to end with. Le sigh. I'll try again next time my brain decides to dump.

All I can say is that decisions can suck, but quick trip to Europe doesn't hurt in the end.